The adolescent years are a time of conflict for parents and teenagers. It is the time when kids grow into a distinct person. Teens naturally start pulling away, so they can make decisions independent of the mold their parents expect. What is a time of self-discovery for the teen can be a nightmare for parents. During these important formative years parents want make sure their kids maintain the values they worked hard to instill. Teenagers naturally resist and argue in an attempt to assert their forming beliefs. The bumpy interaction between parents and teenagers often creates a time of confusion in the family. You can ease the transition by being the adult and learning to communicate with your teen.
Build Trust
Build Trust – When you give your opinion or ask your teen questions their first reaction is you don’t trust them. Build trust early. Show trust by giving them some age appropriate freedoms. However, make it clear that if the trust is broken freedoms will be taken away until the trust is rebuilt.
Practice Honesty
Practice Honesty- At this age, adolescents develop their thinking skills. They are very aware of what you say and are sensitive to consistency. If you say something and do another, they will recognize your actions as twofaced. By being dishonest you will lose their respect and your ability to lead.
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Foster Relationships
Foster Relationships- Demonstrate that their opinions matter and that you are interested in their life. Since teens are dialed into the here and now ask questions they find relevant. Ask them what they like to do for fun or where they may want to live after high school. A back in forth conversation helps break through the walls build a bond the lecturing cannot break through. It’s best if you don’t wait till they are older to start conversating. The earlier you open the lines of communication the more likely they will stay connected during the teen years. Stay Calm- Teenagers are still formulating their opinions and will take every opportunity to test their arguing skills. Avoid falling into a power struggle. Listen to their opinions even if you do not always agree with their perspective. The key is choosing battles wisely. Yelling and getting angry is an invitation for a battle royal. Keep the volume down and stay calm to show you have control of the situation. They will be more likely to mirror your behavior to have an “adult” conversation.
Spend Time
Spend Time- Close relationships are produced by spending time together. With today’s busy schedules it can be a challenge to spend time with the family. However, it is crucial to squeeze out regular time out to spend with your teen and keep the lines of communication open. Hold non-negotiable family times, and attempt to have dinner together as often as possible to ensure quality face time with your kids. Even when it seems like they are paying you no mind, parents have a great deal of influence as teens weigh decisions. By opening the lines of communications parents and teenagers can build an understanding to help them through these difficult years. For extra help, there are many quality books available on the market.
Paul Beard
http://www.familylifepage.com